Defining Your Struggle

Trying to find that special one is a holy struggle. God had to wait at least 4,000 years to find the right woman to bear Christ. Pray that your struggle to find the right person will only be as long as one of the short Old Testament books, such as Ruth or Jonah as opposed to the Book of Kings.

Marriage is a sign of the Kingdom of Heaven. St. Paul calls it a “Mystery of the Church.” The theme of marriage runs all throughout the Old Testament, not just in the married saints in the lineage of Christ, but also in the relationship between God and Israel. Israel is the bride and God is the bridegroom in this imagery. Marriage in this context is a union between two things that ought to be together – husband and wife, heaven and earth, God and Man, the Church and Jesus Christ. And, in the language of the Old Testament, apostasy – tearing asunder two things that ought to be together, is adultery. Even though humanity committed adultery against God often, He wanted this union to become real and literal so much, that he was willing to give His Son to make it happen, and He endured death for it.

A Christian marriage lives out these ideals of union that God has demonstrated for us as true love. It’s not a light concept. If you actually read through the preceding paragraph without getting bored, it’s probably a sign that you’re looking to live these ideals with your spouse, which is not easy.

Marriage in America today is more about agreement and getting along than it is about a covenant of Grace. I know lots of secular couples who have great marriages because they really respect each other and get along well. I’m not going to say anything bad about that. But, I was looking for more. I loved going to church because it was a real union, a marriage between the worshipers and God, and the worshipers with each other. In fact, we have to understand that our worship as we prepare for Holy Communion during the Divine Liturgy is the model for marriage. According to Fr. John Meyendorff in his book, “Byzantine Theology,” the early Church did not have a specific rite for marriage, rather, the happy couple would go to church for the same Divine Liturgy that everyone else attended for worship, and the priest would bless their marriage just before they went to Holy Communion (p.197).

I’m not trying to write an essay about “The True Meaning of Marriage,” since every priest has a boilerplate sermon to that effect ready at a moment’s notice any way. But, what I am trying to say is that for those of us who really like going to church and believe in life itself as Holy Communion, we have a very specific reason we’re searching for someone. In America, we have the opportunity to find lots of “nice, tolerant” single people who could be married to us and let us go to church whenever we want, but we’re not looking just to have this life of worship in the church, but to share it.

This knowledge of what we want both focuses our task and makes it a whole lot more complicated.